XIII: The Original Hazelnut God

In celebration of the start of college season, it’s time to talk about my very best friend, my other roommate, my edible soulmate: Nutella.

If you have never tasted Nutella, stop right now. Stop reading. Go buy some. Eat it. Then you will understand the kind of undeniable glory with which we are dealing here.

Nutella started out in Piedmont, Italy in 1946. It was originally called Pasta Gianduja, a 660 lb. solid block of 71.5% hazelnut paste and 19.5% chocolate sold in reasonably-sized chunks out of the bakery owned by Pietro Ferrero. He produced it to replace conventional chocolate due to a high tax on cocoa beans. He started producing and selling a creamier version called Supercrema in 1951. Then in 1953, Ferrero’s son modified Supercrema and renamed it Nutella with the intention of marketing it across Europe. The new concoction was mainly sugar and palm oil with hazelnuts, cocoa, and skimmed milk.

On April 20th, 1964, the single greatest food in the history of things which are edible to humans rolled out of a tiny factory in the little town of Alba, Italy.

That would be Nutella, obviously.

Since then, the delectable chocolaty hazelnut spread has delighted children and adults the world over.

Except for a little while in 2012, when Nutella got sued for claiming to be “part of a nutritious breakfast.” The company paid up $3 million and changed their advertisements to be more accurate. At 200 calories, 11 grams of fat, and 21 grams of sugar per two-tablespoon serving, it’s not exactly nutritious.

But you know what? It’s still amazing. It’s super fattening and it will totally rot your teeth out, but it’s delicious. I would eat it by the spoonful if it didn’t make me feel incredibly guilty.

Nutella. Enjoy responsibly.

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